“I’m angry!” Those are two simple words that, ideally, should be relatively easy to say. I’m angry, I’m mad, I don’t like that, please stop. One would think that these sentiments would roll off the tongue and the receiving party could simply say, “I’m sorry, let’s work on this.” Right?!

Simply put, no. It is not that easy. Anger is one of the most complex, misunderstood, misinterpreted, and generally mishandled emotion out there. Rivaled, perhaps, only by the four letter “L” word. Anger is one of the first emotions we as humans can experience and it is the emotion that will usually get the most reaction from everyone involved. It is passionate, raw, explosive, and full of sincerity.

Anger management is one of the most common complaints that I receive from parents. What those parents usually want is their child to stop being angry. This is not only not possible, it isn’t even desirable for the healthy development of children. Adults get angry, why can’t kids? What I can recognize is that anger is often mishandled and misunderstood by parents, teachers, children, and basically anyone you encounter. We live in what seems to be an angry world.

Why is anger such an issue in today’s society? There is no one factor that can be blamed for lack of anger management in society. While some would speculate the media is to blame, others would blame the increase in blended or single parent families, as well as a general lack of common moral ground. This is foolish.

The reality is that we, as a society, do not have an anger problem. We have an anger expression and anger management problem. There is not more anger in today’s world than in times past. As we grow as a society in recognizing emotions and the importance of their place in our well being, we are noticing anger more. Further, we are acknowledging how the mishandling of emotions, like anger, can have negative long term effects. These things are making us more aware of anger.

Anger management isn’t about getting rid of anger; it is about expressing anger in a constructive and productive way. Anger is a necessary and healthy emotion. It is one of the three basic emotions that we feel, along with love and fear. These three emotions are inborn in every person. Since these three emotions are the most primitive, they provoke the most primitive reactions. Think about it. When we get angry, fall in love, or fear something we have the tendency to act in irrational impulsive ways. We are all born with those things in our heads, but we are not hardwired with instructions on how to handle these raw emotions.

This is where anger management comes in. When we take the time to learn the steps that will calm and center ourselves, we can take that emotion and put it to good use. Anger is a feeling and feelings cannot be wrong. Emotions are responses that we cannot control; we can only control how we express those emotions ourselves. Anger is the single hardest emotion to express. It is powerful and invokes a strong reaction from whomever is on the receiving end. It is almost a primitive form of instant gratification. You took my toy, I hit you, you’re sad like I was sad.

Over the next few days I will present a series of posts focused on anger management techniques, the basics for calming down and communicating. I will show you how you can teach yourself and others how to step back and reassess situations in short periods of time. Once the techniques are learned, they can become second nature with practice. Come back tomorrow for step one of our adventure!