Change is hard.

Very few people really like change. Most of us are perfectly content moving on day to day with no major disruptions. Sure, we like an occasional surprise visit, maybe a new dish at supper, even a new outfit from the department store, but a large change? Most of us will pass.

Changes are especially hard for many neurodiverse people. Little disruptions in schedules wreak havoc on their busy and amazing minds. Major changes (and sometimes little things no one else would notice) can simply start a complete and total shutdown. You can do your best to prevent unexpected changes, but life has a way of scoffing at one’s long-term plans.

Knowing that we cannot completely prevent change from occurring, it is important that we keep a bag of tricks handy for preparing routine lovers for known changes in their routine. While certainly not an extensive list, general processes can help ease transitions into new and unknown territory.

  1. Communicate! Communicate early and often. If the change is unavoidable explain why. If it’s temporary or optional explain that too and describe why it’s something to look forward to.

  2. Practice, practice, practice. If you know in advance about a major change, practice the new routines that will go along with the change. For example, if you know you are going to be changing schools, visit the new school several times. Introduce yourself and your loved one to the administration, teachers, and aides. Know that there will be glitches, but familiarity with the new surroundings can help ease the transition. The more familiar you become, the more confident you will be guiding your favorite change-resistant person into the new routine.

  3. Pictures and maps. Sometimes I loathe internet search engines…really, I do. However, they have the power to be one of your best friends when preparing young people for new experiences. There is hardly a place left on this Earth that cannot be found in cyber-land. Use this fact to your advantage. Find pictures of new place to familiarize everyone with key aspects. Use reviews to get a vague feeling for others experiences. Map routes to and from places, to become familiar with the lay of the land. This tactic works especially well for vacation destinations. Many vacation hot spots offer virtual tours, printable maps, and detailed descriptions of attractions.

  4. Maintain “normalcy.” I realize I am a big proponent of avoiding the word “normal.” Seriously, the world sends shivers down my spine. But every household has a relative sense of “normal” for that house. While I realize no two days are the same, you know what general milestones and rituals you maintain on a daily basis. Do your best when faced with change to keep rituals in place. This is especially true for routines having to do with sleep, meals, and general comfort of your neurodiverse loved one.

  5. Expect the unexpected. No change will go unnoticed, nor will any major changes occur without backlash. Know this. Expect this. Prepare yourself and those around you the best you can and then, make like Elsa and let it go. Keep calming comfort items and rituals on stand-by. Do not worry if someone else scoffs at your eight-year-old carrying a raggedy rice baby around. You are doing what is best for you and yours…you are not harming anyone. You are doing what needs to be done.

  6. Be patient. Patience is a virtue that is consistently tested in the lives of just about everyone. This is especially true during times of change and inconsistency. After you have prepared yourself to the best of your ability, try to limit stress and dive in. The change is happening regardless of whether or not we are prepared. Remember that any backlash is expected and is simply your loved one’s way of dealing with the unfamiliar the best they know how. It is not personal, and it is only temporary. Either the new routine becomes the norm, or things will go back to your “normal.”

  7. Be honest. Some changes are no fun. It’s okay to say that. Acknowledge that change is difficult. Acknowledge that is can cause anxiety. Be open about it. When we keep lines of communication open, changes are easier to face.