“You are our glue.” The words resonated with me unlike any words had before. Glue?! I have to be glue? No pressure, I’m just the substance whose sole purpose is to make things that would normally not go together stick together for all of eternity.

Of course, it was a compliment. My family was acknowledging that without me things would simply not be as cohesive. The words were never intended to weigh heavily on my mind. It was a simple statement of fact: in our house, mom has the very important job of keeping two Aspies and a diva in line and working together as a family unit. Mom keeps schedules straights, tempers diffused (usually), positive emotions engaged, selfishness down, and prized possessions close but not overwhelmingly cluttered (ok, this one needs some work….and by some, I mean there is a serious Lego/Princess Barbie problem around here that has caused permanent imprints in the bottom of my feet!). All of this is done with mom not in the center, but running around the outside making sure everyone feels both special and attended too without falsely giving the notion that they are the center of the universe.

Usually, such a revelation nonchalantly mentioned would have not received a second thought. Naturally I am aware of my place in the family dynamic. Most of the time I do not question being an afterthought in the family needs department. I, sincerely, would have it no other way…. really…. almost ever. However, for whatever reason the news on this particular day hit me like a ton of bricks. Perhaps it was the realization that I had, once again, not found a job for the upcoming school year. Maybe I was hormonal. More than likely, I was simply having a moment of insanity related to the new school year, lack of sleep, and a combination of normal stressors in any home with a special needs child. Whichever reason it happened to be, imagine my husband’s surprise as I sat there sobbing about being a familial failure.

He was shocked, confused, and perhaps slightly put out. Here he was opening his heart and admitting that I was an irreplaceable part of our family…. the hero of our small story no less, and I was overwhelmed with the notion. I’m pretty sure Superwoman isn’t supposed to cry at the notion that she is indeed super.

When you are surrounded by those who think differently than you, you learn quickly that you won’t receive the same types of sympathy and comfort that you might in other circles. The sight of someone crying is often too intense for them to do anything but disconnect. Personal connections are difficult enough on a day-to-day basis…throw in a good dose of raw emotion (somewhat illogical at that) and it is overwhelming. Aspies emotions run intense and in our experience two ways: very happy or very not. I anticipated confusion, worry, and ultimately that my two Aspies would remove themselves from the situation at hand…mom having a meltdown for no good reason. I could predict what would happen with the diva too…she would feed off my raw emotion and play it up to her advantage…the way only she can.

I was wrong. To my surprise my little cuckoo bird family…the ones who I was solely responsible for holding together…rallied around their temporarily insane leader. My husband calmly said I don’t understand why you are overwhelmed and I don’t understand why hugs help, but I see they do, so I will. He held me as my son brought me my favorite drink…a Dr. Pepper…and my little diva sang the “We love mommy” song over and over and over.

It didn’t take long for those small but meaningful gestures to completely revive me. I might be, as they say, the glue, but I am not solely responsible for making things work. I am simply the catalyst for open dialogue and teaching social nuances. While my support system may not be completely typical, it exists and it exists in the only fashion that I could possibly appreciate…. sincerely. Small gestures of kindness and doing what you know your loved ones need…even if you don’t get it…. are more powerful than any other gesture in the world. Because, you see, family is less often about making sense and most often about doing the best you can…. even when your glue is a little runny.